Alright.. I slept for over 12 hours, I wake up.. Do I feel refreshed? I do not feel refreshed.. I am cold, I can’t move my neck easily, my back is inflamed. Joints and nerve endings I didn’t know previously existed are sending little red alerts to my brain telling me to shut-it-the-fuck down. I can’t find my cellphone.. I missed hanging out with Bob. 

This is awful, (and comical) I feel like a human tetris game, moving blocks and pieces around to fit into a puzzle with a daunting digital count-down obnoxiously beeping, “TIME IS RUNNING OUT!”. With new deadlines starting to pop up on my calender, the option of sleeping in is non-existent. Because frankly, “Boss, I feel like shit” is no longer gonna cut it. Why? Because all the little lines on the calender days are filled with black ink, and moving one job or appointment to the next day causes this giant domino effect. Resulting in a squished week filled with a mosh-posh of 12 hour workdays, painful mornings, and grammatically suffering papers.  I will be squeaking threw life (much like my car), until I decide that I am done torturing myself with all these obligations, with my inhuman schedule. 

This isn’t a pitty post, this is a commentary, a ‘Dear Lindsay’ note from me to me I love myself. Guess what, I did the scheduling, I made it completely impossible for a normal Lindsay girl to be successful. So why did I set myself up for: one a painful victory or two an exhausted failure?

I laid in bed today, eating up the time I had scheduled for writing a paper. Lounged in pjs guggling down coffee, strawberries, oranges, almonds, and protein knowing that the things I had planned for today were not all going to get done. After the much needed application of healthy thought processes to my situation I was lead to a resolving notion.. Its a-o-fucking-k. 

I mean what I say, I say what I mean.